Stupidity Sightings

Dumb Church Bulletins

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7pm. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.

Ladies' Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and be prepared to sin.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

The cost for attending the 'Fasting and Prayer Conference' includes meals.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!"

Sunday morning sermon - "Jesus Walked On The Water!" Sunday evening sermon - "Where Is Jesus?"

The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please join us as we show support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Don't miss the Gospel Revival and Songfest this Sunday! Expected to sin are the Lewises and the Glory Tabernacle Choir.

The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Thursday at 5pm, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

Tuesday at 4pm, there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

Thursday night - Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help!

For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.

  Hey! Yeah, you! Anything you want to add?