Stupidity Sightings

Dumb Ads

In a plumber's store...
  We repair what your husband fixed.

From the law firm of Wines " Stein...
  We specialize in DWIs.

From the grocer...
  Ground beast - 99 cents lb.

From the grocer...
  Fully cooked boneless smoked man - $2.09 lb.

From the grocer...
  Kellogg's Pot Tarts - $1.99 box

From a furniture store ad...
  Our sofa seats the whole mob and it's made of 100% Italian leather.

Moving on up...
  Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.

From the grocer...
  Georgia Peaches. California grown. 89 cents lb.

From Shakespeare's Pizza...
  Free Chopsticks

From Bill's Septic Cleaning...
  We Haul American Made Products

Public service message proposed for posting in men's public toilets...
  The power to prevent rape is in your hands.

Seen in a regional newspaper...
  Three-day sale! (Friday only)

Seen on a highway near Chimney Rock, North Carolina...
  For Sale - Stumps and Stuff.

From the Chicago Rotary Club journal...
  Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself.

Seen at a roadside store near Edisto, South Carolina...
  Buy a gun now. Avoid the Christmas rush.

Seen in a Beauty Parlor parking lot in Greenwood, South Carolina...
  Ears Pierced While You Wait!

Seen in a regional paper...
  We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it by hand.

Seen in a diner...
  Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35 Chicken $2.25 Children $2.00

A sign on the door of Steph's Daycare...
  We practice fire drills on a regular Bases.

The SuperStore...
  Unrivaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

I bet they are...
  Our bikinis are exciting! They are simply the tops!

In front of a New Hampshire car wash...
  If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.

In a Maine restaurant...
  Open 7 days a week and weekends.

In the offices of a loan company...
  Ask about our plans for owning your home.

In a New York drugstore...
  We dispense with accuracy.

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners...
  38 years on the same spot.

At a Santa Fe gas station...
  We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.

In the window of an Oregon store...
  Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store...
  15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!

In a clothing store...
  Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.

In a funeral parlor...
  Ask about our layaway plan.

On a radiator repair garage...
  Best place to take a leak.

Outside a country shop...
  We buy junk and sell antiques.

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store...
  Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

On a shop wall in Maine...
  Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards...
  Now available in multi-packs.

In a Veterinarian's waiting room...
  Back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

Outside a Muffler Shop...
  No appointment necessary - we'll hear you coming.

Seen on a neighborhood fence...
  Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.

At a Used Car lot...
  Second Hand Cars in First Crash Condition.

In a Podiatrist's window...
  Time wounds all heels.

At an Optometrist's office...
  If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

On a Maternity Room door...
  Push, Push, Push

On an electrician's truck...
  Let us remove your shorts.

Seen in a hardware store...
  Stock up and save! Limit one per customer.

  Hey! Yeah, you! Anything you want to add?