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Stupidity Sightings
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen
Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people
All stressed out and no one to choke
Coffee, Chocolate, Men...Some things are just better rich
So many men, so few who can afford me
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career
A woman is like a tea bag...you don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, and she did it backwards and in high heels
Behind every successful woman is herself
Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people 'Everybody But Me.'
Don't let your mind wander...it's too small to be out by itself.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Impotence...Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings.'
Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass
The proctologist called. They found your head.
Out of my mind - back in five minutes...
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got
I need someone really bad. Are YOU really bad?
WARNING! Driver only carries $20 in ammunition.
Money isn't everything - but it sure keeps the kids in touch!
I'm an imbecile and I vote
Don't be sexist - babes hate that
Cats - the other white meat
Heart Attacks - God's revenge for eating his animal friends
Boldly going nowhere...
Honk if you love honking!
Visualize whirled peas.
Hang up and drive!
Lead me not into temptation; I can find it myself.
My kid can beat up your honor student.
Ever stop to think, then forget to start again?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
There are 3 kinds of people; those who can count and those who can't.
We have enough youth; how about a Fountain of "Smart?"
WARNING: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
LOVE: 2 Vowels, 2 Consonants, 2 Fools
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Few women admit their age; few men act it.
Your kid may be an honor student, but youre still an idiot.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.
If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
Homer's Law: You can't fall off the floor
Your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Forget about world peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Give me ambiguity or give me...something else.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain just to be a vegetarian.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Auntie Em -- Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy
All generalizations are false.
Horn broken - watch for finger
Pardon my driving - I'm reloading
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Diplomacy - saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock
A day without sunshine is like...night.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
My child made Inmate Of The Month at the county jail!
Hey! Yeah, you! Anything you want to add?
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