Stupidity Sightings

Dumb Medical Comments

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

The patient refused an autopsy.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The skin was moist and dry.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circussized.

Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient was in his usual state of good health til his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

  Hey! Yeah, you! Anything you want to add?