the diaTribe :: Stupidity Sightings

Stupidity Sightings by the diaTribe

Here are some of the most recent hilarious, semi-hilarious, so ridiculously sad that they are hilarious, or just unbelievably dumb, sightings as logged by the diaTribe...if you want to add to this list, just click on the very attractive semi-blue text that follows. For the cerebrally-impaired, we have opted to label it SEMI-BLUE TEXT...

Lurking Elsewhere On This Page, or Elsewhere

Sightings (Really Dumb Things Somebody Actually Saw)

Oxymorons

Really Dumb Juxtapositionings

Pleonasms

Really Dumb Redundancies

Brush With Plagiarism

Really Dumb Things Made Tolerable

Oxymorons (Words that just don't go together)


act naturally	Advanced Basic	airline food
almost exactly	alone together	amateur expert
American English	baby grand	black light
brief survey	British fashion	burning cold
business ethics	butt head	career politician
Christian Science	civil lawyer	Civil War
clean dirt	clearly confused	clearly misunderstood
completely unfinished	computer jock	confirmed prediction
Congressional action	Congressional ethics	constant change
control freak	criminal justice	crisis management
curved line	deafening silence	death benefits
definite maybe	divorce court	Dodge Ram
down escalator	dress pants	dry wine
educational television	elementary calculus	exact estimate
extinct life	fast food	fast idle
firm handshake	flat busted	found missing
freezer burn	French virgin	fresh frozen
friendly argument	friendly fire	fuzzy logic
genuine imitation	good grief	gourmet pizza
government organization	Great Depression	guest host
half full	ham burger	hard water
home school	honest mechanic	hopelessly optimistic
huge market niche	industrial park	irate patient
jumbo shrimp	lean pork	legal brief
legally drunk	leisure suit	light heavyweight
live recording	living dead	mandatory option
marijuana initiative	Medium Large	Microsoft Works
mild abrasive	military intelligence	minor disaster
Mobil station	monopoly	negative growth
new classic	New York culture	Nixon memoirs
non-stop flight	now then	old news
original copy	partially completed	passive aggression
peace force	Peacekeeper Missile	perfect idiot
plastic glasses	political science	postal service
pretty ugly	proceed forward	professional misconduct
professional practice	resident alien	rolling stop
same difference	sanitary landfill	savings & loan
scheduled spontaneity	science fiction	second best
semi-permanent	silent scream	singular relationship
small crowd	soft rock	Spaghetti Os
spendthrift	standard deviation	student teacher
sure bet	sweet sorrow	synthetic natural gas
taped live	tax return	temporary tax increase
terribly nice	terribly pleased	thank God I am an atheist
tight slacks	true story	true-life simulation
turbo diesel	turns up missing	twelve-ounce pound cake
unacceptable solution	unbiased opinion	virtual reality
wireless cable	work party	working vacation

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Pleonasms (Redundancies that we all know and lov...well, that we all know)


ATM machine	CAD design	CNN news
corporate change	criminal lawyer	DC current
difficult dilemma	DOS operating system	empty hole
expensive car	former ex-boyfriend	free gift
Good God	good music	great big
hard rock	hot water heater	liberal Democrat
mountain peak	Op-Ed	PC College
personal privacy	PIN number	practice test
Shrimp Scampi	temporary stopgap	unconditional love
waiting patiently

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Things to Ponder

Why is there an 's' in the word 'lisp?'?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents.
Got a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

13 Rules for a Happy Marriage

These are actual bobo bits noticed all over the world (so we tacked on a few bits...)

Never both be angry at once. Take turns being mad. Work it, honey, work it.
Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Unless one of you set the house on fire. The yell like crazy.
It takes two to make an argument. The one who is wrong will be doing most of the talking. So shut up.
Yield to the wishes of the other -- as an exercise in self-discipline, if you can't think of a better reason. Like sex.
If you have a choice between making yourself or your mate look good, choose your mate. Then bitch about it.
If you must criticize, do so lovingly. As in, 'You know, you really are the most affectionate member of your sorry pig-headed gender that I know.'
Never bring up a mistake from the past. Until you can really get some mileage out of it.
Neglect the whole world rather than each other. Then move to Montana and form a self-governing militia.
Never let the day end without saying at least one complimentary thing to your life partner. (See Rule #6)
Never meet without an affectionate greeting. Like sex.
When you've made a mistake, talk it out and ask for forgiveness. Then go take it out on the kids or the dog.
Never go to bed mad. Just go to bed.
Never take any advice from any column about rules for a happy marriage.

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